I was going through one of our product catalogues for work to see about potentially ordering some items, and as I was reading through some of the inspirational plaques (and by some, I mean a lot. There are a stupid amount to choose from), I came across this quote, "If you trip in life, make it part of your dance". It made me smile when I read it, and I was just about to keep going down the list of quotes, when I stopped for a moment and really thought about it. I really like that quote. Obviously, it stuck out to me because I'm a dancer. And I'll be real : a lot of those dance quotes out there I rather enjoy. But the more I thought about it, the more it stuck out to me. Not only does it apply perfectly to dance, but also to life. You can trip a lot when you dance freestyle - when you dance anything, really. Especially if you happen to be clumsy . . . like me. One of the things you learn, however, is how to make that trip look intentional by incorporating it into your dance. That's one of the things that I personally believe makes a great dancer great. Not just the ability to dance smoothly with no mistakes, but the ability to turn any mistakes into opportunities. Which is totally applicable in life too. And, wouldn't you know, is something that God has been working on in me over the past year or so. So often if I tripped, or made a mistake, I would take it upon myself to rebuke myself, pointing out everything I did wrong and making sure that I really understood my mistake so that I wouldn't do it again. Basically, I was just really hard on myself. Which, I'm pretty sure a lot of us are. But one of the things God has been teaching me is that it's not my job to punish myself. Yes, acknowledge if I trip so that I can learn from it, but give that mess-up over to Him, and allow Him to use it for His glory and my benefit (AKA: growth). Often times those mistakes are a wonderful opportunity for growth, but that growth gets stunted because I'm too busy putting myself down to allow God to build me up instead. What? Why do I choose that? It's ridiculous how often I try to take control myself, instead of letting God do His thing, and end up making things worse instead - which is every time, haha. You'd think I would learn by now . . . But that's I think why I love this quote so much. Because we are imperfect, and we do trip up a lot, but tripping doesn't mean you stay down. You acknowledge it, give it to God, and let Him use it as an opportunity for something beautiful. It reminds me of my quote that God gave me last year: We're not going to achieve perfection by our own doing. Only God can achieve perfection - He IS perfection. By striving for growth, we're giving Him control to perfect us in that growth. If that's not stress relieving, I don't know what is haha. Another thing that came to mind with this is that often times, for me at least, I would let the fear of making a mistake keep me from doing something. With social dancing, like WCS and ballroom, it would keep me from dancing with people that I don't know. Praise God for the growth that He's done there, cause now I get excited about it! Though I definitely still have my moments . . . Work in progress here, haha. But it used to be really bad, life-wise. That played into my fear and lie issues a lot. I felt like it I tried something and failed, or made a mistake, that I was a failure, or stupid, or even a burden because I couldn't get it right. So often I just wouldn't try. What? Don't let the fear of tripping keep you from dancing. And now this song is stuck in my head =b
0 Comments
Just a little reminder that today isn't a day that was instituted for vacation, hot dogs, and a day off from school. Honestly, growing up that's all it was to me. A day on the calendar that, for some reason, meant no school. It was a day that meant a break - and later on in life, friends, bbq's, corn on the cob, parks, chips, etc. But now I can't help but think of what today means for those in military families who have lost a husband or wife; son or daughter; brother or sister; dad or mum; or aunt or uncle. Or for that matter, those not even related to them. Those who have lost a dear friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiancé.
Today isn't a sunny day in the park for them. Today is a reminder of loss, and perhaps to some extent, a matter of pride. Pride in their loved ones for their selflessness and sacrifice. Pride in their skill sets and ability. Pride in their heart and character. It's pretty easy for those of us who have no personal connection or interest in military affairs to forget about the real reason we commemorate this day. And even more so, for the very real pain and loss that it brings. My heart can't help but hurt for military families. They go through so much more than we realize. To be really real, I once dated a soldier (though he had yet to endure basic training at the time). Though it was only for 3 months, I was quite proud to be his girl; to closely support someone who would be supporting so many. And while we're both in different places in life now - he married with a kid on the way, and me in love with wherever this place is that God has me - it would still hurt my heart deeply if something were to happen to him. And that's coming from an ex. An ex who was the one who called it off. Just think of those still deeply rooted to the ones who serve(d). I'm humbled to think of all of the men and women who have taken such strides of selflessness for people they will never meet, while I sit at home, unwilling to sacrifice so many aspects of my comfort for those that I know and love. And while that selflessness is something that God has been at work on in me for the past year, and all glory goes to Him for the growth in that area of my life, I still can't help but feel convicted by looking at those who serve not only their country, but as role models of selflessness. "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13 Last night was a reminder for me of something I hold deep inside. Yesterday I had the house to myself for about 11 hours. I had planned to be super productive and use that time to get bunches done, but somehow all I managed to get done was an osteopath appointment, laundry, some cooking, and a smidge of progress in one of my *Smash books. In the evening, however, I watched The Help. Wonderful movie. It reminded me, though, of a deep rooted hatred that I have (one that I discovered through another movie). I have a deep rooted hatred for injustice against people, bullying, and abuse. One that brings me to tears, not only out of a heart that's broken for the people that those things affect, but also out of an overflow of rage. I'm not one to get legitimately angry easily, but oh, by golly, those things set something off inside of me like none other. Especially bullying. As I sat there and watched the movie, trying to contain myself, I first thanked God for softening my heart to where it broke for what breaks His heart. You know that song, "Hosanna"? The one with the line, "Break my heart for what breaks yours"? That's been a prayer of mine for a while. It's been a long time coming, with a whole lot of softening, de-stubbornizing, wall-breaking, and healing. But secondly, I asked God to take away the overwhelming rage that was burning inside of me. While I want my heart to break for what breaks God's, I don't want my heart to become hardened from anger in the process. Then I stopped. You know those moments where God's just kinda like, "Hey . . . THIS". I got another one of those moments. Instead of praying to suppress the hatred & rage, I asked Him to turn it into a FIERCE love. Then I thought about what that would be like, using all of that energy that would otherwise be spent trying to calm myself down and using it more productively. What would it look like if we all took all of the energy from our rage & hatred, and used it to love people instead? I think after the past 1 1/2 years of intense fear facing and healing, a whole new side of me is starting to emerge, and it excites me. I have a new challenge to look forward to now. Though fear facing will always be something I am challenged with, now it's not so much the main focus. It's this; taking on this whole side of me that I've always tried to suppress, and loving people fiercely through it. Fierce. It's a word that God keeps bringing to mind. It may be cheesy, but i think that's my new word for this season. At the beginning of last year there was a season where my word was "Growth", followed sometime later by a season where my word was "Fearless", and then after that, "Bold". And now fierce. ![]() Fierce fi(ə)rs/ adjective • (of a feeling, emotion, or action) showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity. (I realize other definitions of "fierce" involve violence and aggression, but those aren't applicable in this case) This quote came to mind as this whole thought process unfolded. "And though she be but little, she is fierce". It put a new twist on one of my all-time favorite quotes. Ever since I heard it, it became my quote. It's just perfect for me, in so many ways - and now in this way as well. Throughout all of this, some very clear words were spoken to me: "Jesus made you feisty & fierce for a reason - use it" And by golly, that's just what I intend to do. Today I spent about 1-2 hours doing something I absolutely love.I got rid of stuff. I went through my closet, my dresser, the shoe bench (where we keep most of our shoes), the coat rack, and the entryway closet, tearing through all of my clothes and getting rid of bunches of them (2 garbage bags full today, 3 total) - some long overdue. I'm noticing something about myself :
1) I have an unnatural love for getting rid of things, and 2) The more I grow in my relationship with Christ, the easier it is for me to let go of things. Some of the shirts I got rid of today were ones that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago. Though I haven't grown since I got them (except for some pudge in the middle), I've outgrown them. My torso is long, and while I used to just wear cami's underneath them to make up for it, even that just wasn't flying anymore. And it hasn't been flying for quite some time. The reason I've held on to some of them for so long? It sounds silly, and quite honestly, that's because it is. But my identity was wrapped up in them. I was known for wearing some of these shirts. They reflected a lot of who I was/wanted to be. They were unique - just like me. And while part of the reason I didn't want to part with them is because they were just super awesome, I think deep, deep down I felt like if I got rid of them, I would be getting rid of some of my uniqueness. How silly is that? The thing is though, I feel like we do that sort of thing a lot. That's something that God has really been at work on in my heart recently. Only not with clothing, but with dancing. In April I went to see a free production that a local church put on (which was super awesome, btw). In it there was dancing - and a good heap of it. One particular dance/song really stood out to me, and honestly, it was really hard to watch. It was the kind of dancing that I used to be able to do (and LOVED), and the song (Say Something) is one of those songs that just hits something deep inside, urging you to dance. I hate those songs. I burst into tears on my way home. I always miss freestyle dancing, but it was hitting hard that night. I ended up driving for a little while in the country, just talking with God. There's something about driving at night and talking with Him that I just love. I ended up on a back gravel road, turned my car off, and just star gazed for a while, thanking God for all that He is and has done in my life. I may not be able to dance freestyle anymore, but He's still very much alive and at work in my life. He reminded me that, even though it's extremely hard at times, He's working through it. It had been more difficult than usual after that, not being able to dance freestyle. If someone even sang Say Something, my eyes started to spring a leak. But last Saturday something changed - and it was weird. But a good kind of weird. Last weekend we had a professional WCS dancer come to our school for a bunch of workshops (which I missed) and two dances on Friday and Saturday night. On my way over to the dance on Saturday night I felt the all-to-familiar feeling of the enemy hitting me. Partially because it was dancing and the enemy has a thing about that apparently, and partially cause I was going off of 4 hours of sleep (that includes a 2 hours nap). Either way, I was pretty drained for a lot of the evening - though that didn't stop me from enjoying myself. Not only is it my only outlet for dancing, but the people there are just great. I love em'. Towards the end of the dance I ended up just sitting in a chair watching for a while. I watched some of the follows do their thing on the dance floor and remembered how I used to be able to dance like them. As I watched, I wondered if I should even be there anymore. I wondered if I should even keep West Coasting at all. I've come to a place where I'm determined to improve and be as good as I used to be, even considering lessons (which, for me, is a big deal). But at the same time, I feel somewhat defeated, as though maybe it's just time to stop all together. A few weeks ago I had a really bad stint with my pelvis, hips, and sacrum. They got misaligned further than usual and were causing an excruciating amount of pain - worst than it's been in a long time. Long story short, it lasted almost a week, and about three days worth of it I had to spend laying down. Since then, I've been a lot more stiff, and it's been more & more apparent how much weaker I am now compared to a few years ago. I'm super out of shape, and there really isn't much I can do about it. That's frustrating for me. That's frustrating for a dancer. And so I wondered, maybe this just isn't where I'm supposed to be anymore. Maybe its just run its course, and I need to just accept it and step away from dancing altogether. And for the first time, I was willing to step away from dancing altogether if that was God's will for me. I would miss the people dearly - they're a big part of why I've kept going, and the main reason I felt like I was supposed to be there. But if it was time, then I would be obedient and trust that God had something planned in that. I kept praying over it and talking with Him about it when I got home that night (well, morning, really), trying to figure out what He wanted me to do. And then something happened. Something that I just love. That moment when God speaks so clearly to you that there's no denying that it's Him, even though it's not audible. I love those moments, when you're actually willing to hear what He has to say. "You're a dancer; I made you one for a purpose. But you're more than just a dancer." Oh, be still, my heart! To hear God call me a dancer . . . I'm my worst critic when it comes to dancing. Not only do I seem to remember only my mistakes and fumblings, but I compare my dancing now to what I used to do, back when my legs were strong, I had a 2-pack, and I was able to physically work hard at it. I realized shortly after that I had been holding onto dancing like I was holding onto my old shirts. Not that I outgrew dancing - I don't think that will ever be possible. But for so long I was trying to prove to myself that I was a dancer when I didn't need to. So much so that at times I would base my identity in that alone. And though that was mostly years ago, I've still held on to trying to prove that to myself, and wanting others to see the dancer in me. Like my old shirts, I wanted dancing to reflect who I was. In a way, I wanted to be defined by it. To hear God say "You're a dancer", that feeling of needing to prove to myself that I was a dancer was gone. I felt validated - in more than one way. "I made you one for a purpose" validated me in continuing on dancing WCS. It was the equivalent of Him saying "You're where you need to be, don't stop now", which is what I needed. But not only that, to hear Him say "but you're more than just a dancer" . . . that was such a freeing statement. It was a reminder that, though I'm a dancer and that's very much a part of me, my identity is not in dancing. God gave me a gift and love for dancing, but He created me for more than that which I love and am passionate about. He uses that gift and love that He gave me for His purposes - to reach out to others and to glorify Him. I can't even tell you how much I love that! Whenever I think back to those words, I get all sorts of elated ^.^ I love seeing God's growth in my life. And I love that I'm becoming more & more of who He created me to be by letting go of this old stuff and more fully taking on my true identity in Him. Ah, it just makes my heart happy! I'm tired. 2 hours of sleep on Friday night after 4 hours of WCS and working til 5:30am, followed by the grand opening of our store (yay!), followed by a two hour nap, followed by 5 hours of WCS, followed by 3 1/2 hours of sleep, followed by a full morning/afternoon serving during with my churches college group.
I'm tired. But it's been great! My energy level the rest of today has been only enough to scheme creativity, and in doing so, I came across a questionnaire. Here's a fun fact about me : I just love these things - and I don't know why. The good ones, at least. Not just the "What color of shirt are you wearing?" ones. (It's gray though, if you were really wondering about it. Gray and Batman) I also really enjoy reading other peoples answers to questionnaires such as this. It's people watching for the lazy haha, it's great! It's also a good practice in humility, lie silencing, fear facing, and transparency, I've found. So with that, I give you my 120 truths. 1: Who did you last say "I love you" to? - I do believe my parents. 2: Do you regret it? - Absolutely not. 3: Have you ever been depressed? - Yes. 4: Do you like dinosaurs? - Heck yes I do! 5: Are you insecure? - I have my moments. 6: What is your relationship status? - Free. 7: How do you want to die? - Happy. Preferably with German chocolate cake in my mouth. 8: What did you last eat? - Lamb roast, lamb ribs, steamed corn, and roasted carrots & onions. 9: Have you played any sports? - Nope. 10: Do you have an attitude? - I'm feisty, though I try to keep it to myself. Sometimes. 11: Do you like someone? - You could say that? 12: What is your real name? - This is the one question I am not going to answer. 13: Have you ever read a book? - Yep. Where's Waldo. 14: Do you hate anyone at the moment? - No one specific. 15: Do you miss someone? - I do. 16: Twirl or cut your spaghetti? - Twirl. Always twirl. 17: Do you tan a lot? over the summer? - I don't tan, I reflect. 18: Have any pets? - 2 cats, 1 dog ^.^ 19: How exactly are you feeling? - Tired. Soooo tired. 20: Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? - Always, thought not so much when I'm driving. 21: Good driver? - I like to think so. 22: Are you scared of spiders? - If they're big and by my face or in my house, then YES. They have no business there. 23: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? - You know, I don't know . . . 24: Do you regret anything from your past? - Yes. 25: What are your plans for this weekend? - Just working that I know of thus far. 26: Do you want to have kid? - Nope. 27: Do you type fast? - Usually. 28: Do you have piercings? - One, in my right nostril. 29: Want anymore? - Nah, but I almost got my eyebrow pierced. 30: Can you spell well? - That depends on the word . . . 31: Do you miss anyone from your past? - We've owned 6 dogs prior to this one. Absolutely I do. 32: What are you craving right now? - Cinnamon rolls, cookies, Taco Bell, Quiznos, Coldstone and Ben & Jerry's ice cream, lamb ribs, yam fries, Mountain Dew, cheeseburger, Costco hotdogs, and a solid conversation. 33: Ever been to a bonfire party? - Bonfire, yes. Don't think any of them qualify as a "party". 34: Ever had a silly band? - Like the bracelets? Haha yes, yes I have. 35: Have you ever been on a horse? - Yep! I miss those days . . . 36: Have you ever broken someones heart? - I sure hope not. 37: Have you ever been cheated on? - Nope. 38: Are you thinking of someone right now? - Yerp. 39: Would you live with someone without marrying them? - Nope. Unless we're talking family or a fellow female roommate. 40: What should you be doing? - Something productive (which I am counting this as such, so I'm feeling accomplished right now) 41: What's irritating you right now? - Satan, and that I can't sit/lay conveniently anymore. 42: Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? - What does that even mean? 43: Does somebody love you? - Jesus loves me! And, you know, friends and family. 44: What is your favorite color? - Gray, black, blue. 45: Have you ever changed clothes in a car? - Yep, that I have. 46: Milk chocolate or white chocolate? - Milk chocolate . . . usually. 47: Do you have trust issues? - It really depends . . . 48: Best friends name? - Lacey. 49: 2nd best friends name? - (no order) Ellisa. 50: 3rd best friends name? - (no order) Madi. 51: Who was the last person you cried in front of? - Uhh . . . that hasn't happened in quite some time. Probably my mum though. 52: Do you give out second chances too easily? - Not "too" easily. 53: Is it easier to forgive or forget? - Forgive. 54: What was your childhood nickname? - Small Fry, Lisse, Granny Nun the Anti-Nazi, Unflugger, Listerine . . . I've had many. 55: Favorite food? - I could never choose such a thing. Lamb ribs, yam fries, and chocolate ice cream is up there though, for things I can eat. 60: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? - I believe God has a plan in everything. 61: Did you have dream last night? - I had one in my nap this afternoon. 62: Have you ever been out of state? - I have. 7 states, 1 country. 63: Do you play the wii? - Nope. That thing hates me. 64: Are you listening to music right now? - I'm listening to Adventures in Odyssey radio drama ^.^ 65: Do you like chinese food? - I do. Oh, I do. 66: Who are you texting right now? - No one . . . My last text was from Madi though. 67: Are you afraid of the dark? - I love the dark. It's the unknown of what's potentially in it (particularly when I'm alone) that makes me . . . nervous? Cautious. 68: Is cheating ever okay? - Nope. 69: Are you mean? - I sure hope not. 70: Can you keep white shoes clean? - If I never wear them, sure. 71: What year has been your best? - Oh man . . . probably 2013. 72: Do you believe in true love? - Yep! 1 John 4:9-10 73: Favorite weather? - You know, sunny is nice, but I love me a good rain storm. 74: Do you like the snow? - I do! It doesn't love me though. 75: Does it snow a lot where you live? - No. Though in recent months we've had 2 snowpocalypses. 76: Do you like the outside? - Love it. But again, it doesn't love me. 77: Do you wanna get married? - Eventually, if it's God's will. 78: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? - . . . No. Never. 79: Are you hungry? - I don't know about hungry, but I could eat. 80: What makes you happy? - Jesus, dancing, good conversations, good food, truth speaking, encouraging, etc. 81: Would you change your name? - Not legally. 82: Ever been to Alaska? - Nope. 83: Ever been to Hawaii? - Nope. 84: Do you watch the news? - Nope. 85: What's your zodiac sign? - Rooster? 86: Do you like subway? - Sure. Meatball Marinara was delicious. 87: Do you talk like your friends? - At times, if I spend a lot of time with them. 88: Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? - Sadly, I have. 89: Do you have a friend of the opposite gender who you can act your complete self around? - It's the opposite gender that I can most easily act my complete self around. 100: Who was the last person of the opposite gender you talked to? - My daddy. 101: Do you feel good? - I feel tired. 102: Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - I think it was Madi/our small group. Which means it's been too long . . . 103: Can you count to one million? - . . . Why would I want to? 104: Are your finger nails painted at the moment? - Nope. 105: Favorite number? - For some reason, I rather like 23 & 24. 106: If you could pick two people your own age or younger to be stuck on a stranded island with, who would it be? - Ellisa and . . . would it be wrong to say someone who's deceased so that we could eat them? 107: Are you a hunter? - Sadly, no. 108: Tall or short? - Ha, short. 109: Favorite subject in school? - I enjoyed psychology. 110: What 5 people do you trust the most? - Mum, Ada, Ellisa, Madi, and probably my friend Brian. 111: Who do you think has amazing hair? - Joceline. 112: Parents divorced? - Nope. 113: What city do you live in? - I don't. I live in a town. 114: Where were you born? - In a hospital. 115: Recliner or couch? - My recliner, hands down. 116: What two people do you miss talking to? - Luke and Andy. 117: Who will you be with this weekend? - My puppy for sure. 118: City or country? - Once again, I love the country, but it hates me. I do love urban street walls though . . . 119: Water or soda? - Soda water! 120: Was this a waste of my time? - Absolutely not. Also, Happy International Star Wars Day! May the 4th be with you! |
Details
Archives
November 2016
|