Last night was a reminder for me of something I hold deep inside. Yesterday I had the house to myself for about 11 hours. I had planned to be super productive and use that time to get bunches done, but somehow all I managed to get done was an osteopath appointment, laundry, some cooking, and a smidge of progress in one of my *Smash books. In the evening, however, I watched The Help. Wonderful movie. It reminded me, though, of a deep rooted hatred that I have (one that I discovered through another movie). I have a deep rooted hatred for injustice against people, bullying, and abuse. One that brings me to tears, not only out of a heart that's broken for the people that those things affect, but also out of an overflow of rage. I'm not one to get legitimately angry easily, but oh, by golly, those things set something off inside of me like none other. Especially bullying. As I sat there and watched the movie, trying to contain myself, I first thanked God for softening my heart to where it broke for what breaks His heart. You know that song, "Hosanna"? The one with the line, "Break my heart for what breaks yours"? That's been a prayer of mine for a while. It's been a long time coming, with a whole lot of softening, de-stubbornizing, wall-breaking, and healing. But secondly, I asked God to take away the overwhelming rage that was burning inside of me. While I want my heart to break for what breaks God's, I don't want my heart to become hardened from anger in the process. Then I stopped. You know those moments where God's just kinda like, "Hey . . . THIS". I got another one of those moments. Instead of praying to suppress the hatred & rage, I asked Him to turn it into a FIERCE love. Then I thought about what that would be like, using all of that energy that would otherwise be spent trying to calm myself down and using it more productively. What would it look like if we all took all of the energy from our rage & hatred, and used it to love people instead? I think after the past 1 1/2 years of intense fear facing and healing, a whole new side of me is starting to emerge, and it excites me. I have a new challenge to look forward to now. Though fear facing will always be something I am challenged with, now it's not so much the main focus. It's this; taking on this whole side of me that I've always tried to suppress, and loving people fiercely through it. Fierce. It's a word that God keeps bringing to mind. It may be cheesy, but i think that's my new word for this season. At the beginning of last year there was a season where my word was "Growth", followed sometime later by a season where my word was "Fearless", and then after that, "Bold". And now fierce. ![]() Fierce fi(ə)rs/ adjective • (of a feeling, emotion, or action) showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity. (I realize other definitions of "fierce" involve violence and aggression, but those aren't applicable in this case) This quote came to mind as this whole thought process unfolded. "And though she be but little, she is fierce". It put a new twist on one of my all-time favorite quotes. Ever since I heard it, it became my quote. It's just perfect for me, in so many ways - and now in this way as well. Throughout all of this, some very clear words were spoken to me: "Jesus made you feisty & fierce for a reason - use it" And by golly, that's just what I intend to do.
2 Comments
Vince
5/16/2014 07:43:19 am
I can certainly see "fierce" as the next step in your progression of growth. Makes plenty of sense and I really think it is something you can do, I've seen you get pretty fierce in the past.
Reply
Lew Penns
5/16/2014 12:32:15 pm
Definitely. That's something that kept coming to mind as well, and I've been seeking wisdom and asking Him to show me where that line is =]
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Details
Archives
November 2016
|