Wow, it's been a while.
68 days, to be precise. Life has been a little crazy lately. No, a lot crazy. People say that's normal, what with wedding planning and new life preparations. Especially when you combine that with the regular day-to-day tasks that fill up my time. However, I found that life being so crazy doesn't have to be normal. I mean, wedding planning will always hold some amount of craziness. When you plan the biggest party of your life you're bound to get a little stressed. But what I've found to hold the most amount of stress and crazy in this whole process is not the planning part, it's the perfection part. When BW and I first started planning our wedding I was resolved not to get caught up in the whole 'American weddings' mindset - this mindset that so easily consumes all of its victims. But, as time went on and I got scheming, I fell victim to it. I got ideas that I wanted to make happen; I found DIY's that I wanted done; I came up with creative solutions to make happen the things that I wanted; I created images in my head of how to make my wedding day "perfect". None of those things are inherently bad. And it has been fun dreaming up and planning. BW has very sweetly expressed that he wants to make happen the things that I want. However, I am a perfectionist. That has never really had a negative connotation to me before. A perfectionist is someone who is thorough; someone who is detail oriented and makes sure things get done right. Doesn't sound so bad, right? The thing is, if you have a perfectionist plan a wedding, you will undoubtedly be stressed. Things don't work out the way they should, colors aren't consistant (who knew peach could be so freaking difficult?), prices are bogus, different seasons bring different challenges, and frankly, people aren't you. You may have the perfect idea of how something should be done, but you can't hand that task over to someone with a different mind, different eyes, and different skills, and expect them to achieve perfectly what was in your head. You just can't. There's a common phrase, "If you want something done right, do it yourself". That's pretty much the mindset of a perfectionist. Now add that mindset to someone planning their wedding. Think about it. Really think about it. Yeah - stress. Craziness. BW has been so gracious throughout this process. While still encouraging me to make happen the things that I want, he has also gently reminded me not to get stuck in the 'American wedding' mindset. The mindset that focuses more on perfection and aesthetics than on the heart of the wedding. I'm embarrassed to admit that I fell into that mindset. Once I realized it and was able to let go of the paper, tablecloth colors, runners, greenery, and decor pieces, I was able to refocus on the heart of the wedding - BW and I. This beautiful adventure that we get to start together in 32 days. That's going to happen regardless of tablecloth colors and table displays. Throughout this whole process, I was told this, "You know what perfectionism is? It's a life filled with disappointments." And it's so true. Instead of framing our wedding as an aesthetic display of perfection, I've chosen to frame it for what it is - a celebration. It's pretty cliche`, but it's true. It's a celebration of BW and I starting our new adventure together. I still want it to look good, don't get me wrong. The look and feel of everything is still very important to me, and I'm going to make it great. But really, I'm just excited to marry this man. And it saddens me that I lost some of this time in preparation to the disappointments of perfectionism. I'm also sad that I've lost time with dear friends to it. It has been freeing and exciting to be able to plan this wedding without added stress and attention to perfection. I'm looking forward to seeing everything done and just being with this man that I love so dearly. I'm ready to be married. Happy Tuesday, everyone.
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