It amuses me how God works sometimes.
Today was a rather odd day. I spent my morning, after lying in bed for a little while, eating a big breakfast and finally being able to have a little therapy time. AKA: scrapbooking. Really, the scrapbooking is only half of the therapy. I often talk with God and listen to podcast sermons while I scrapbook. And that's just what I needed today. Today was a rather apathetic day. With much annoyance with myself, most of the day was spent in emotional exhaustion. Trying to process certain things going on in my life and feeling like a dramatic female in the process. Life is real, and life is hard sometimes. In the evening, after nap and some writing, I decided to head out for the evening and go to BW's house before dancing. Now, I'll admit, I really wasn't feeling up to going to BW's house. Not because of him, but because I didn't feel like I had much in me to contribute to this evening. I felt exhausted, drained, apathetic, and just ridiculous. On my way there, however, God decided to use his brilliant sense of humor to help me out. As I was talking to Him and asking Him for help, and surrendering control over to Him once more, a little squirrel started darting across the street - right in front of me. And I let out the girliest of screams that you have ever heard as I pressed my foot against the break. Luckily, the squirrel decided to have some common sense and stopped just before my car got in its path. Once the relief had settled over me, I began to laugh at myself. And I continued to laugh at myself the entire rest of the way to BW's. The first genuine sense of joy all day, and all because of a squirrel and a girlish scream. I love how God works in my life. I love how well he knows me, and that he knows exactly what I need in each moment. Even if that means almost hitting a dear little squirrel with my car.
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You ever listen to a song that you used to love and listen to a bunch, but just haven't heard it in a long time? I was bee-bopping around in my kitchen, listening to one of my West Coast Swing playlists, when Shackles (Praise You) came on. I smiled, as I haven't heard it in a long time, and remembering why I enjoyed listening to it so much. The song is basically about being free from the things that have imprisoned us - held us back - for so long, and rejoicing in/with Christ and His character, since He's the One that has given us that freedom and set it into motion. At least that's how I interpret it. I've always loved that song. Other than being a West Coast, it's one that just holds special meaning as I can relate to it with many trials that have happened in my life. It reminds me of all of the things that no longer have a hold of me anymore and the sweetness that that holds. But this time hearing it, it really hit home. Less than 10 seconds into the song I got hit with how perfect that song really is for me. I stopped in the middle of my dancing and was like, "Oh my goodness . . . sexual abuse". This may not make sense grand scale, so let me explain. Because of the sexual abuse that I encountered in my childhood, I completely shut down with certain things. I was completely imprisoned by fear, vulnerability (not the good kind), feeling unsafe, lies, etc. I really did feel trapped by it, and I didn't see any way of getting out of those mindsets and fears. So, there's the "chains" part, but here's the other bit : I deal with a lot of physical issues. It's not near as bad as it used to be, but I still struggle with them. We've come to find in the past year that the cause of most of my issues - sacrum, pelvis, hips, back, etc - are because of my pelvic floor. I could get into all sorts of detail about this, but basically I hold the majority of my anxiety and stress there (I know, you super needed to know that). Because of that, and the trauma of the sexual abuse, those muscles are super tight, which is throwing off other areas of my body and just making life difficult. It's because of that that I had to stop dancing years ago. I hit a point a month or two back where I wasn't able to progress with my physical therapy or my OMT because I had to first take care of the psychological issues surrounding my sexual abuse and relearn how to deal with stress and anxiety and carry it somewhere else, giving my body the ability to function properly. Still not quite fully there, but there have definitely been some big improvements. Why on earth does my pelvic floor bring special significance to this song? Sexual abuse is the reason for my chains. But it's also, I believe, a root cause of why I couldn't dance for so long. So when I hear those words, instead of the lyrics what I hear is You've freed me from my abuse so that I can now heal and dance once more. I can't articulate the joy that bursts through me when I hear that! It's not only coming to a place of healing mentally and emotionally, but physically, too. He has freed me from the thing that has held me back for so long, in so many ways. And you bet your britches I'm gonna praise Him for that! Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you I just wanna praise you You broke the chains now I can lift my hands And I'm gonna praise you I'm gonna praise you In the corners of mind I just can't seem to find a reason to believe That I can break free 'Cause you see I have been down for so long Feel like the hope is gone But as I lift my hands, I understand That I should praise you through my circumstance Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance I just wanna praise you I just wanna praise you You broke the chains now I can lift my hands And I'm gonna praise you I'm gonna praise you Everything that could go wrong All went wrong at one time So much pressure fell on me I thought I was gon' lose my mind But I know you wanna see If I will hold on through these trials But I need you to lift this load Cause I can't take it anymore Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance I just wanna praise you I just wanna praise you You broke the chains now I can lift my hands And I'm gonna praise you I'm gonna praise you Been through the fire and the rain Bound in every kind of way But God has broken every chain So let me go right now Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance I just wanna praise you I just wanna praise you You broke the chains now I can lift my hands And I'm gonna praise you I'm gonna praise you 4/3/2015 You Can Take The Food Away From The Girl, But You Can't The Girl Away From The Food.Read NowToday marks 6 years since I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Last year I shared my food testimony for the first time ( http://lifewithlew.weebly.com/posts/5-years-strongmy-food-testimony). This year I wanted to celebrate by sharing with y'all all of the foods that I've been able to reintroduce into my life since then, and all of the delicious things that they make! It excites my heart so much. This last month especially has been full of trying new things (a little too much, maybe). But too much or not, its been encouraging to be able to eat certain things again. And to be able to experiment in the kitchen again. So let me share with you! Since last years post, I've reentered into my diet: Avocados. Which means delicious fake Yumm Bowls. Peanut butter (which happens to be AMAZING with chocolate coconut ice cream) It also means that I get chocolate peanut butter milkshakes sometimes. Almond flour (which means biscuits, that also happen to taste AMAZING with chocolate coconut ice cream) It also means that I get delicious apple and berry pies. And pizza! This is my latest discovery/creation, and oh my gosh. I never thought pizza could be so delicious without tomato sauce and cheese, but this is SO GOOD! Also : garlic. Which is absolutely delicious on my pizza ^.^ Eggs. Which means actual breakfast food for breakfast. What? It also opens up the door for way more baking opportunities. Chocolate coconut milk Which, when heated up, also becomes hot chocolate! Brussels sprouts. (I know, doesn't sound that exciting. But steamed and pan fried with onions, basil, greek oregano, lemon thyme, and lemon juice? Um, yes.) Regular coconut milk (it's pink because there's strawberry juice in it - making it strawberry coconut milk! Which isn't actually as good as it sounds, but it's still exciting!) And coconut flour! Which means pancakes! And muffins! And cookies! I can't begin to describe how delightful it is to bite into something soft and chewy again. I love food, guys. So much. I love baking, and experimenting, and feeding others, and tasting what I've created. It's been a long time since I've had a baked good (which is one of my all-time favorite categories). So grateful to finally be able to eat and experiment with them again! It's tough, though, since moderation is key, ad I really struggle with moderation and food sometimes. This is where the self-control that God has been teaching me over these 6 years needs to be applied, and I'll admit, I fail pretty miserably ta it sometimes. But I'm learning. And I'm growing. And I'm excited to see what new foods will be added into my life in this next year to come! |
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