This is a question I often ask myself . . .My gift mix and personality fit in well where I work, but still . . . sometimes I wonder if I would have been hired if my employers knew of all the shenanigans that goes on during my shifts.
I have the best job ever, guys. It's perfect for me. The hours are wonderful, the staff is fabulous, the customers are great, I'm not around food, it's air conditioned/heated, it's stretching, my manager/owner is super careful with my health conditions (and happens to also be awesome and a huge Star Wars fan), I get to bless and encourage people, I get to clean and organize, I get to express my creativity through displays, I get to share hope and joy . . . it's just perfect. And wonderful opportunities come from it! Which I shall tell you about . . . later :) Most of you have probably figured out by now that I'm a wee bit unconventional. I think my big bro stated it well when he said, "You have a really odd balance between really mature, grounded, and practical, and very child-like, silly, and spastic." I take my job seriously, guys. I love it and I'm invested in it, and in the people who frequent it. But . . . I do have my moments. A lot of which I'm incapable of stretching for their own post, so I've decided to combine them into one! And since I haven't done a TBT post in . . . too long, I figure it's a good way to make up for the weeks that I've missed. So here you are, some of my many lovely moments that have taken place on the clock : One time when I had the store to myself - no customers, no boss, no coworkers - I was going about my job, talking aloud to myself. As I continued to engage in a lovely conversation (with myself) I rounded the corner and, mid-sentence, discovered that I DIDN'T have the store all to myself after all. I discovered this by running head-on into an elderly woman, startling not only myself, but her as well. The first time I cleaned the toilet there, I stuck the scrubber in the bowl (not hard, mind you), and what should happen? It splashes -into my mouth. The water was not exactly "clean". This awesome Cuban guy came in one day and asked about our Spanish bibles, so I showed him to where they were. As we stood there, he turns to me smiling and asked, "You know Spanish?" I opened my mouth to respond, but then realized what my response was and decided to stop. I was a split second away from telling him that I know how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I greatly desire to urinate" in Spanish. As I stood there with my mouth open he was like, "Yeah, yeah, you do!" "Only a few phrases. . ." I got called in by emergency to work the long shift one morning (the morning after a college retreat that consisted of 3 hours of sleep over the whole weekend). I walked into the back room, shut the door behind me, and when I went back to go into the store the key wasn't in the door. Fun fact : you can't get out of the back room without the key in the door. So I was like, "I'll just go out the back and come around to the front". And then I realized that since I was still opening, my keys were still in the front door, making it impossible for me to get in. I also didn't have my cell phone, containing my managers number, nor did I have my food. I was completely stuck - locked out of my own store, while IN it. My first response? I laughed. I ended up being able to pry the door open a little while later. Grand start to the day. I accidentally stabbed myself with a sword. While moving things around one day, I dropped a sword on my thumb and managed to break skin The sword was a miniature of course, but still . . . it broke skin, and how often do you get to say that you got stabbed with a sword at work? I often pretend the scanning guns & pricing guns are real guns, pretending to be a sharp-shooting cowboy or alien zapper. There may be sound effects involved. I spit - not gleeked - SPIT on the counter in front of a customer - on accident, of course. Luckily, I have uncontrollable skill, and was able to subconsciously dodge the customer’s purchases, keeping them dry & protected from my saliva. I'm also pretty sure I diverted the customer’s attention, keeping them from seeing what had just gone down. Maybe. I can’t begin to tell you all of the stories where my inevitable charm leapt burst from me in some way, shape, or form like that. I often ride down the store aisles on the book carts. One day as I was putting some bibles back on the shelves, one of them fell and smashed my finger against the shelf. I’m not talking a dainty, carry it around with you kind of bible. I’m talking a hefty, if you hit someone with this is will HURT kind of bible. You wouldn’t think smashing your finger with a bible could amount to that kind of pain. And yet, it did. And what do you do when you smash your finger (after running it under cold water to help prevent any swelling, of course)? You make sure nothing touches it. You do this by sticking it out so that it’s away from your other fingers. The finger that got smashed was my middle finger, so I went around accidently flipping things off for the next hour, trying to strategically place items over my hand so that no one would notice. Nearly every time I offer someone a bag and they accept, I quote Lord of the Rings' "Keep it secret. Keep it safe," After someone asked for the bathroom key and thanked me, I nearly replied with, "Have fun!" This has happened on multiple occasions. . . I eat behind the counter. That's really all you need to know. For those who don't know me that well, I'm that awkward eater who often misjudges the distance between her mouth & the fork. I also makes really weird facial expressions, though that applies to everything - not just eating. Sometime early this year or late last I got a wart removed on my elbow. After they cut it off they sprayed it with liquid nitrogen in order to cauterize it, to prevent it from bleeding. Later that day I went into work, and about two hours in, as I was showing an elderly gentleman different bibles, I felt a rush on my arm. I looked down to see blood POURING down my arm. I was right in the middle of answering a question about a particular bible, so I just stood there trying to maneuver my arm so that the blood wouldn’t pool on the carpet and that the man wouldn’t notice what was going on. Thankfully, I managed to get to the bathroom in time without dripping everywhere. I tried using a bandaid, but the blood kept gushing through it. I ended up taping a paper towel on my elbow while elevating it above my heart (to help decrease the blood flow) and inadvertently looking like a male model posing and trying to flex (without the muscle part). This is not the first incident I’ve had because of that wart. One day while at work, before I got it removed, it decided that it was going to start bleeding – and drip all over the carpet. Luckily, you can’t see it unless you’re looking for it. And I’m not about to go pointing it out to people.
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