There are many reasons why people have open heart surgery. One of which is blocked arteries - basically when there's junk that's in there that doesn't need to be there; it needs to be removed so the blood flow can get through. Another reason is an Atrial Septal Defect (ASD), which is basically a hole in the heart that needs to be mended. I started out this evening doing one of my favorite things: being alone. Home alone, that is. When I can just be by myself and talk out loud to God without concern for someone hearing me. It's also when I can watch movies in the living room without being disturbed. Which is exactly what I planned to do. I turned off most of the lights, and finished eating my dinner as I started to watch Jurassic Park. I stopped 24 minutes into it though. I felt like this was time that should be spent more one-on-one with God, and I felt like He wanted to talk to me about something. So I turned on some music (Brendan McCarthy is excellent background music, btw), and decided to clean the dishes..... which escalated to cleaning the whole kitchen. I asked Him what it was He wanted to talk about, then proceeded to apologize for now living for Him as much as I should/want to be. He then revealed to me what He wanted to talk about: my heart. My favorite subject =b It's that time again, as I'm sure a lot of people have noticed. It comes in seasons. That span of time when just about everywhere you look someone is either entering a relationship, getting engaged, getting married, or having a baby. Have you ever noticed how that happens? Yeah, it does. I feel like Owl in Bambi. Spring rolls around and everyone seems to be twitterpated. Which isn't a bad thing. It's just slightly odd how it seems to happen all at once.... Anyways, the theme of relationships has arisen again, and it was something that God wanted to talk about. And in keeping with the theme of discovering and facing fears, He decided to combine those two. A relationship with someone has never been something that I've really desired. I never really thought of myself as having fears about relationships. But again, how we perceive ourselves is not always truth. He told me to write a list of things concerning a relationship that I'm afraid of. He told me to write down what comes to mind, regardless of how stupid it looks or seems, or how silly it actually is (and let's be real, all of them are that way), and then organize them into subcategories.
Pretty silly, right? I think so. I didn't want to write them down because they're silly, and just absurd. So I shouldn't even be afraid of them. The biggest one for me is the dependent/clingy/insecure one. I don't want someone making me an idol. I got to hear from God again after I wrote those down and saw them written out. "I have a plan for you. Don't stifle me with these silly fears, HAVE FAITH". Boom. Well stated, Lord, well stated. And so, another development in the journey of having my heart softened. One that God has been working on for..... well, a while. In keeping with the theme of this season of twitterpation & relationships, God showed me something about myself this past Sunday as well that pertains to the subject. Never thought I would share it to the world, but here it is: The best words a man could ever tell me: "I love you so much, but I love God so much more". Just like some open heart surgeries, God wants to clean out the junk (lies) that's clogging up our hearts, and stitching up or filling in the hole that might be there because of it.
3 Comments
3/27/2013 02:53:43 am
A lot of open heart surgeries could be avoided by looking a the underlying emotions that are clogging our emotional arteries ... our cells can either move towards love (God is Love) or fear ... they cannot go both ways at the same time ... Ponder material :)
Reply
Jonathan A
3/27/2013 06:48:59 am
I'd like to share my 2 cents if you don't mind. Primarily in regards to your final sentence, and how I feel it pertains to our ability to love.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Details
Archives
November 2016
|