It's time for another transparency post.
God has really been working on my heart recently and revealing to me some mindsets I've established that need to be broken down. I think I've mentioned this before, but in case I haven't, let me tell you: I grew up with a very worldly mindset of what relationships look like - which doesn't make sense, cause my parents set an amazing example for my sister & I (and they continue to do so to this day). But nonetheless, my observations and impressions of movies, middle school, and high school romances won out, and I wanted nothing to do with it. It always just seemed so needy and dependent, emphasizing the wrong things and just seemed so . . . cheap. God finally broke me of that mindset a couple years ago and has since been building up in me a new mindset and imagery of what a godly relationship looks like. Towards the beginning of this process He had placed someone on my heart purely for the sake of softening and growing it, only to remove him from that position a few months later (to which I was relieved haha). He continued on in softening my heart and doing some much needed revealing, healing, and growth. A year later He decided to place someone else on my heart, to which I'm still not sure if it's solely for growth or if He has other purposes in mind . . . an odd thing to think about haha. Here's where the other mindset that I've established comes into play. While God has rid me from the worldly relationship mindset, He's been revealing to me recently that I have this mindset that if someone is on your heart, it means you're supposed to view them a certain way. They are to be put on a pedestal in a way. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it, but it's almost as if they should be an idol. It felt like I was supposed to view him through rose-colored glasses and hold on tight, viewing him more as a potential future significant other than a friend. I wasn't okay with this. I don't want to look at someone and see "potential significant other". I want to look at someone and see "friend". Isn't that what a significant other/spouse is? I don't wanna go through life with a preconceived idea of what a significant other should be. I wanna go through life with my best friend (though not who I call my best friends now, since 2 of them are girls, and the other one I am in no way romantically interested in). It goes back to that worldly mindset of what a relationship was supposed to look like, and I was having none of it. So I started to ignore God's promptings. But then God was like, "Nope. I placed him on your heart for a reason. Your mindset is just skewed." So through some destubbornizing and obedience, He began to break down that mindset. What a relief! I could see my friend as a friend again. I hate it when the enemy twists things to keep you from what God has in store, but I think I especially hate it when it comes to friends/other sorts of relationships. Ain't no one got time for that! Since God has been so at work in my heart and mindset, I kinda want to hit on where He has me. Because, frankly, I think it's beautiful. And I can say that, cause again, it's all God at work in me. And I'm delighted that He has freed me from so many of these lies and mindsets. I have this negative association with the term "Liking someone". Whenever I hear it, my mind jumps back to middle school when I would so often hear that phrase thrown around so flippantly. Someone would "like" a new person every few months, weeks, or even days. I just never understood that. So now my mind associates "liking" someone as being cheap and worldly. Another mindset God is helping me work through. Goodness, am I a work in progress . . . In the interest of pushing past some more fears and lies, transparency, and being able to show how God has shaped & molded my stubborn little heart, let me tell you what it means for me to have someone placed on my heart: • It means I view him as a good friend, with a high amount of respect, admiration, and appreciation. • It means I'm challenged by him to be selfless, lean on God more, keep fighting, advance my ministry for Him, spend more time in prayer, and face my fears (as well as lies). • It means he's someone I feel I could submit to. • It means that I'm genuinely really looking forward to seeing who God pairs him with, whomever it may be. • It means that I pray that God will bless him with a crazy awesome girl who will greatly enrich his ministry and life, challenge him and spur him on in his faith, encourage and support him, respect him, and direct his heart closer to God. And that God will be shaping & molding her into the woman he needs, and for him to be shaped & molded into the man that she needs. • It means I want God's best for him. • It means I trust in God's plan and timing, whatever it may be and wherever it may lead. • It means I'm up for whatever adventure God has in store, and will do my darndest to be obedient in whatever He has planned. • And for the first time, it means that I feel God's stamp of approval if - if - anything were to be pursued. I feel like God has done a complete 180° in my heart these past few years. Probably cause He has . . . It's still crazy to me to see where He has taken me from; a stubborn, feisty, hurt, fearful little girl who wanted absolutely nothing to do with romantic-type relationships and was determined to remain single forever. And now He's brought me to where I am now; a stubborn, feisty, determined, strong lady (I use that word loosely) who has been healed beyond recognition and wants nothing more than to take on what God has planned for her. What? Never did I think I would ever be where I am now. Just goes to show how awesome our God is. Can I get an amen?!
2 Comments
Vince
3/12/2014 01:55:42 pm
Amen!
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3/12/2014 06:53:45 pm
Lisse,
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