De-clutter: Remove unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place).
De-cluttering my room from things that are taking up space and I don’t need, or have for the wrong reasons. And de-cluttering my heart, mind, and spirit. Removing all of the unnecessary things that are overcrowding them; lies, insecurities, old habits, old mindsets, opinions, comfort zones, etc. Taking them off and laying them at the cross, and taking on what God has to replace them with: truth, security in Him, fresh mindset, boldness & courage, true identity in Him. Here’s what I got so far: I’m letting what other people see me as define me. If my friends jokingly make a comment on something, I get defensive and push how it really is, because I’m afraid that others around will hear what it is that my friends are saying, and apply it as truth, instead of what’s really the truth. Or if I buy something as a joke, I try to make sure that who I’m buying it from, or who’s with me at the time, knows that it’s a joke and won’t get the wrong idea about it, because it be something that’s defining me. When I was little people always tried to tell me who I was, or tried to change me. Even some of my closest friends and my sister did this (she does the opposite now though =]). I developed a defensive reaction towards that. It became a really big insecurity of mine - that people wouldn’t see me for who I was, but what others portrayed. Or by what I portrayed when I didn’t feel like myself. Even if I was just walking past someone, I wanted them to get a sense of who I really was. Meeting new people was a huge fear of mine because I was so afraid that they wouldn’t get the right impression of who I really was. Didn’t help that I’m an introvert & could be pretty shy… Often times the perception on ourselves isn’t the truth. I knew in my head that I wasn’t stupid, but for so, so long, I couldn’t solidify it in my heart. I felt very much like that was how I was perceived; I felt like others were perceiving me as stupid – so I took on that identity, letting that lie soak deeper. I have been letting people define me my entire life. I’ve been letting others’ perceptions of me define myself. Not completely, I know who I am, and I’m still very much that person, but I’ve been letting the fears associated with how others perceive me (often wrongly) cripple me. I never thought that would happen. I’m pretty known for my quirky different-ness, and that’s very much me. But when it gets to a deeper level of things, that’s where most of the lies and fears come in. I talked about one of those things in my TBT: Tiny Dancer post. I never wanted to call myself a dancer because if someone didn’t perceive me as one, then I would just look/feel like an insecure idiot trying to be something she’s not. How dumb is that? If someone doesn’t perceive me as what I am, then screw it. They can suck it up and perceive things wrong all they like. THAT SHOULD NOT AFFECT ME. But I let it. Grrrr. That just irritates me. I don't want people to define me. I want God to define me. Whenever I would try to convince myself that people’s perceptions of me didn’t matter, and that I should just rep it up as even more of me than ever, I would hear all of those words from people that tore me down before, telling me who I was and who I wasn’t. I’m happy to say that, due to a time of growth with Jesus, and an overflow of my feistiness & spunk, I’m starting to put those words in their place. They got no business spinning lies & crap all up in my face like that, and with God’s help I’m getting rid up them. BOOYAH! It’s about freakin’ time, right? And now, I am shamelessly going to go spend more time with Jesus as I watch 7th Heaven.
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November 2016
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