"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. it is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." - 1 Peter 1:6-7 So, it’s amazing how the enemy can use discouragement against you, and God can use to same discouragement to help you grow. Silly Satan, God always wins!
I’m not going to go into a lot of details, because when I think about it it drags me back to a really discouraged state and God has to remind me of things all over again. But basically, I went in to see my Osteopath yesterday, to continue to get my spine and pelvis and sacrum and hips realigned to where they should be, and to ask him some questions about some more physical issues that have come about recently. He had a resident in with him this time. I mentioned some of the issues that have been occurring recently, and stuff about my back as well, and his resident answered almost all of my questions. She doesn’t know my background with things, and just about everything that she said that would help strengthen my back & the other issues that I have, are the very same things that make them worst. I can’t even describe how discouraging that was, and other stuff just piled up with it. Usually I bounce back pretty quick (I’ve been called one of the most resilient people ever met), but I couldn’t bounce back from this. Like, I was down for the rest of the day, until evening came. Part of it was because my blood pressure was super low (98/40) and I was exhausted, and didn’t really have energy to combat it. I really just wanted to quit. But, through that, God really reminded me that, 1) I’m not in control, and 2) I don’t need to be. He had to remind me several times that He’s got this, and He’s in control and it’s okay. I still kept trying to problem solve, and looking for ways to take action to get physically unbroken. There was this one point when I was standing over the sink washing my hands, and I said, “God, I want to stop being physically broken”. And He very calmly, and very clearly responded, “You don’t need to be physically healed; that’s not what I have for you right now”. Boom. That’s it. He continued to remind me that I don’t need to worry or stress or try to take control over that, because He’s in control & that’s not what He has for me right now. He has a much, much better plan in mind than what I think I do. He’s going to use this for Him and for His glory. And He has already. I mean, I have more time now, because I can’t do a lot of things, to just spend with Him, and spend with His people. I wouldn’t utilize my time like that if I could do physical activities – I didn’t. I danced, that’s what I did. And it broke me, and God allowed me more time to focus on & be with Him, and I just need to remember that, and thank Him for that. It was a lovely, lovely reminder that God’s got this. And He’s holding me in His hands. And I don’t need to be fixed right now; ‘tis not His timing. So why not continue to glorify Him in my state of physical brokenness. He also super blessed me by ending my day with awesome people and a good movie. and laughter. tons & tons of well needed laughter. Also, a little shout out to God: part of the reason I was so discouraged was because we were almost completely out of veggies. Which, doesn’t really sound like a big deal. Just go to the store and buy some more, right? Not that easy. We can only get our veggies from a certain farm (that’s like 2 hours away) because of all of our food issues, and we didn’t know if they had anything left. But praise God! Ada (dad) drove up and they had some veggies! And he’s going to go up in 2 weeks and get lugs of more! Go God! You are my provider <3
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November 2016
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